Yr 1 Day 30, 20Apr11

I was sitting in the waiting room to see my primary care physician when I began to think about Alicia. I remembered taking Cathie to the office to check out her rampant poison oak rash. This had to have been late March or early April last year. Cathie had been walking through chest high bushes at Tennessee Valley with a dog team during Alicia's search. The poison oak had festered and spread to the point it was extremely uncomfortable.

Then my mind raced to what I will call "The Dream". The Dream came to me within the 1st week of Alicia's death. In The Dream, Alicia & I were sitting at a picnic table somewhere non-descript. I was doing all the talking and she was nodding her head listening. It was so vivid I recall she was wearing her red plaid patterned shirt. It was a sunny comfortable day. After what seemed like minutes, she stood up to leave. I asked her to stay longer with me. She just gave me her sly smile and began leaving. I called out to her she just turned and smiled. I awoke from my dream but tried sleeping again to recapture it.

Since then, this dream has not reoccurred nor has it continued in any fashion. I am not a superstitious person by any means. Yet I do find the timing of this dream was ... Purposeful? Probably not coincidental. Was she telling me to let her go? It was time for her to depart this world? I wholly detest even the idea of "it was time". At 17 years old, college acceptances due in just weeks...it was not her time. She had a full life ahead her.

We're what I would describe as agnostic in our beliefs. Cathie put forth recently is she feels religion is an artificial construct that allows people to survive these type of events. Religion allows people make sense of things that can not be explained or defy logic.

Yr 1 Day 27, 17Apr11

It has been almost 3 weeks since I last posted. I have hardly been in town with work travel and 5 days of vacation towards the end. We just returned from Hawaii where we stayed in Paia on Maui with relatives. They have a beautiful house right on the beach. We went snorkeling, stand up boarding, boogie boarding, surfing, kite surfing, zip-lining, & volcano viewing. For those that know me, the stand-up boarding was not happening for me on a 10' board. I needed a 'barn door'. It was warm and beautiful. We ate at Mama's Fish House, The Fish Market in Paia, the General Store in up-country

Cathie reminded me that I had previously written that we had completed our year of firsts, but this was our 1st trip back to HI without Alicia. She used to love hanging out in the water and snorkeling. Alicia had my skin tone which meant she tanned very quickly. She and I used to compare the color of our arms to see who was darker. Yup... I did think of Alicia daily. She would have absolutely loved where we stayed and the things we did.

Cathie is planning to go to NY with Jasmine this summer. This will another 1st, the 1st time Cathie has returned to NY since we were there with Alicia in Fall'09 looking at colleges. I am sure we'll continue to run across these 1sts for some time. I guess for me, it will be a welcomed reminder of her.

The picture is a sunset from the top of Haleakala. It was a beautiful way to end my days in HI.