Day72, 01Jun10

Painful & slowly the circle of life turns. As it circumnavigates it's predefined pathway, we move by life, death, love, happiness, despair, depression and all the emotions and milestones of life. It feels as if our circle is ever slowly moving. Trying to recycle back to birth or creation. Leaving the cold icy grip of death.

Well we had a visit from our friendly (NOT!) raccoon again. Around mid-night, the raccoon was able to reach inside the cage and mangle the right wing of one of our new birds. We were able to scare it away and move them inside. The new bird's right wing was really mangled but she was able to survive. So this morning, I bought much smaller vinyl covered mesh. Jasmine and I installed the new mesh inside the old bigger mesh. We also set the cage on new concrete post supports to get it further off the ground.

The big thing was how Jasmine came home from a sleep over and decided to help install the new mesh and clean out the cage. I asked her to help clean out the cage, but she also helped with sizing and installing the mesh. This took about 3 hours to do and it was probably about 78F with no breeze. We talked and worked together. It was a great project. She even skipped a block party invitation to help finish up with the concrete post supports.

I am heartened that we were able to just talk during this project. Again... the circle is slowly turning.

I'm really excited. We are 1 day away from posting the 1st segment of Alicia's memorial service video on YouTube. When it is ready, I'll post the link (URL) to share. The video is 10 minutes long and was lovingly edits by a very good friend, Rick. He was gracious with his talents and time to help with this video and subsequent ones.

Day 70, 30May10

Well... today was my father's birthday. Happy Birthday Dad. Say "Hi' to Alicia for me.

He would have been 86 today. He had an amazing life and specifically an adventure leaving China during the communist revolution. In combing through his documents, I found several scraps of paper in Chinese dating back to April 1951 with the story of his adventurous trip to the United States. He also recorded his story which I'll have to have someone transcribe for us. I'll write more about his journey later.

Cathie reminded me that life truly is a circle with death just being a portion of the circle. For us right now, we seem to be stuck in this phase. We can not seem to be able to escape where we are right now. We found a picture of four generations of the Lee family with my grandfather, my dad, me, and Alicia. It struck us when we found it, that everyone in the picture is now dead except foe me. I suspect we'll continue to find things like this over time.

On Saturday morning at 2am, a fat raccoon killed Raja and Sultan (2 of the 3 newest chickens). I forgot to put them away this evening after dinner with friends. I did not even think about it when I came home. They were in their home but the raccoon entered and killed em. Jacasta and Jafar escaped. I hear some chicken noise at 2am. I threw on some clothes and ran out with Cathie. The fat raccoon was in the tree about 5 feet away from the bird cage. It just hung in the tree. I grabbed a flash light to keep it trained on the 'coon which Cathie grabbed a garden rake. The raccoon retreated a few feet on the fence after we started advancing on the tree. Cathie found the two in the cage dead. She found Jacasta in the back door alive and later found Jafar hiding in the garden. We kept the birds in the house until the next morning to foil the return of the raccoon. I cleaned up the cage and locked it up tight for the rest of the night/morning.

Also a spouse of someone at work died unexpectedly last week. I was asked to connect with this person and get a sense if she needed anything. I suggested to them a few options/ideas. It took more than a few moments to prepare myself for this conversation. It is never easy to speak with someone in this situation. I had to put myself in a place where I would be able to detach a bit from my emotions. This is not where I have even been close to recently. I am glad I was able to help this person with some ideas and things we did but it was not easy.

I walked down to Tennessee Valley this morning. It has been over 3 weeks since I last hiked down to the bunker. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day today. When I arrived at the bunker, the program and cranes were gone. I peered into the structure and could not find the mini-volleyball and letters. There were a couple of cranes left and the candle. All the rest were gone. I'm glad I was prepared with another program and a few cranes. I was able to rescue these items on the bunker itself. I guess I was not totally surprised. Time moves on and as such, I would venture to guess the Park Rangers 'cleaned up' the bunker. I suspect the items could grossly be considered graffiti or minimally refuse.

Day 66, 26May10

Today Jasmine and I went out for dinner. We saw some girls Alicia used to play soccer with from MarinFC at the restaurant. They were out with their high school team probably celebrating the end of their season. Seeing them brought back memories of when Alicia played with MarinFC with their Red Team. This was a good group of girls with varying soccer skills but a lot of heart. Alicia loved playing soccer but really struggled with MFC's style of soccer.

The girls saw me but did not make eye contact. Since they were with their team, I did not want to intrude and say hello. I felt it would have been an awkward moment.

Alicia learned her soccer skills playing with a coach from El Salvadore who loved the ball control Brazilian style of play. 'Short passes'. She developed good ball handling skills and had a knack to be in the right place at the right time. She loved playing for Jose and he respected her. It was tough when we disbanded the Panthers in her 8th grade year. But we were in Marin and we barely had enough players to put a team on the field. So it was the best decision at the time.

I'm not sure the pain of Alicia's death will diminish. I am beginning to suspect it will always be there. Its just a matter of it dominating my emotions or senses. I do feel guilty that I somehow am able to function. I am able to go to work, concentrate, and accomplish what I absolutely need to do. I have pictures of Alicia and a crane on my desk. I am reminded of her and relish seeing the pictures. But in the pit of my stomach, I know she is dead and I will only see her in my dreams. I'm glad one of my last times with Alicia was a silly moment when we 'belly bumped' in the office prior heading of to bed. She was such a silly and light person.

As much as I struggle, I struggle the same communicating with Jasmine. Alicia played an intermediary role between Jasmine and us. Now I am struggling to relate to Jasmine. She is a lot more social. She buries herself in TV shows on the internet and with friends. She has streaks of talent which at times burst out of her which is amazing to see. But most of the time, that streak is pent up within her. She riles against suggestions to paint... learn music... that we offer up. I hope that she keeps up with vball as a physical outlet. She seems to enjoy playing although at times, she is resentful of how practices impinge upon her social life.

Day 64, 24May10

Well graduation season is upon us. Tamiscal High School has their graduation on Tuesday, 08Jun10, followed by Redwood HS on Thursday, 10Jun10. We are hoping to attend both to see Alicia's friends matriculate. We talked about it tonight that I want to be careful just showing up for graduation ceremonies. This day is about the graduates and the focus should be that. I do not want to distract from their moment in the spot light. But it would mean a lot for us to see her friends in their moment. We'll probably call the principles of both schools to make sure it would be OK. I may just be paranoid, but I want to be cautious.

Her friends are about to scatter to the wind. Colleges in Vermont, Washington, Oregon, California etc. I'm sure we will miss seeing them. Hopefully they will come back to visit us while on break.

It's official now. The Alicia Scott Lee scholarship has taken off with it's first scholar, Erica Stemple going to the University of Puget Sound.

'The Alicia Scott Lee Scholarship is a $2000 college scholarship awarded annually in memory of Alicia Scott Lee of the 2009 Team class. Recipients are chosen on the basis of financial need, academic achievement, communal engagement, and love of wilderness adventure. '

Thus far, we have enough funds to donate $2000 per year for a few years. To keep this going, I plan to make this my annual charitable contribution.

We also talked to the head of the TEAM program about organizing to off set their funding to keep their program. TEAM is a great outdoor leadership experiential program. (http://tamdistrict.schoolwires.net/171220626164714707/site/default.asp?171220626164714707Nav=|&NodeID=300). Their unique mix of outdoor learning, academics, community service, and career internship is an amazing horizon broadening experience.

It is still very hard. I found myself this morning standing in Alicia's room just staring. Not saying or moving... just staring. I am not sure how I got there...but there I was. I think about these milestone dates up coming and I feel sad that Alicia is not here with us. She will not experience HS graduation, or going to college. These are memories that are etched in my mind through out all these years.

Day 63, 23May10

2 months... It has now been over two months since Alicia last drew a breath. What remains of her sits with us. I walk by her room and feel very very sad. I miss her. I miss her goofiness, her seriousness at times, her infectious laugh, her selfless out look on life, and everything there was about her. The times we took for granted when she was alive I now cherish. I feel compelled at times to just cry. These moments are becoming less frequent although just as painful emotionally.

For the past two weekends, I have not hiked down to T-valley. I feel as though I am neglecting her. Last weekend I did not have time with the Burke's bench dedication and church on Sunday. I will try to head down this morning. I feel compelled to go and at least make sure her memorial is OK.

I am excited. A dear friend and talented digital graphic artist has rendered Alicia's ceremony and created a 10 minute video for You Tube. It features stirring pictures of the attendees and snippets of selected speakers. He still has a few more days of editing and rendering but it should be ready by Alicia's BDay at the latest. When we post it, we'll send out a f'book notification to everyone. In addition to the ceremony itself, we will create separate clips of all the speakers in the ceremony as well as the remembrances captured on video. These clips will come after the main video.

I met recently with the FBI and Federal Park Police Investigators to wrap up the investigation. After two months, they have concluded Alicia's death was a series of choices which lead to a tragic accident. There is no evidence of foul play. The individual choices she made on that evening were not fatal, but the confluence of all the choices lead to her death. As part of this meeting, they returned her cell phone to me. They had yet to receive the personal code for her phone from AT&T thus they had not traced the calls etc. They asked if I wanted to pursue the phone angle to which I felt that it would not change her death and given the thoroughness of the investigation, it was unlikely to change the course of the investigation. So no. Leave it alone.

So I brought her phone home and recharged it. Jim figured out her PUC code and unlocked it. There are several voice mail messages on the phone. I do not have the strength to listen to them. Should I even listen to them? These messages were left for Alicia. Some are probably from the frantic days trying to find her which would rip the emotional wound open again. Others are likely friends calling her to hear her voice and to leave her a message...sort of like talking to her. So I'm not sure...

Day 59, 19May10

I attended my first The Compassionate Friends (TCF) meeting last night in San Rafael. Before the meeting, I sat in my car looking for an excuse not to attend. Not to face the emotions which I was sure would well up within me. I watched as people began arriving and collecting. I forced myself out of the car to join. I was immediately greeted warmly by one of the facilitators. After signing in, I sat down with one of the helpers who turned out to be the TCF Coordinator for N. Cal. She explained to me about the meeting as I completed a 1 page info sheet. I was given a packet of information for first time attendees which I read a few things from and skimmed other parts.

The meeting itself was about 35 folks from various walks of life. But all with the common thread of death either a child or sibling. They went around the room and we introduced ourselves which was pretty hard. I stated my name, Alicia, her age, when and how she died. Short... but hard to say out loud. We then read guidelines for the meeting which I was surprised that I was to read one since I sat close to the facilitator. The facilitator then suggested a topic to discuss but asked if any of the new members would like to speak. I raised my hand and conveyed the enormity of my situation and the overwhelming sense of numbness.

The conversation then took off with one of my general questions which was 'how many kids do I have?' how do I respond to this question. The husband of the couple next to me piped up and stated that recently he was asked and he said 2 with a 3rd on the way. It struck him to reconsider. Several folks relayed that where they are. Most were in agreement that they felt most comfortable including their deceased child. One person was even militant about it. He puts it out there that he has a child who has deceased. He felt it was an issue for the other person and that their discomfort would pass.

There were a number of new members at this meeting. The couple sitting next to me had lost their young child with a chromosomal abnormality about 1 year ago. They are expecting a 3rd child in a few months but wanted to connect with TCF near the anniversary of their child's death. There was another couple for whom my heart reached out with compassion. They had lost a 9mo child within the past month. There was a gentlemen who came to connect with TCF at his child's anniversary. And there was a young women who had lost a young brother.

The person whom I began corresponding with via Facebook who had lost their 22yo daughter in a similar accident to Alicia was there. I was glad I was able to meet and talk to her. Her significant other and I reached out to each other. I shared how their lives had been interwoven with the ripples of Alicia. I was deeply touched. We discussed going on a hike together to a place he goes to remember. I look forward to that walk.

Day 57, 17May10

I read parts of Alicia's journal yesterday. She was an infrequent journaler. She started back in 2005 at Burkes with a last entry being July 2009. She started off writing about our family vacation to Washington DC, Boston, & New York. Mostly she wrote about the Washington DC portion of our trip. She seemed giddy when she found a brick at the Native American Museum with Emma Abinanti-Sena name etched on it.

There are parts of her writing which demonstrated she was not above 'teen angst'. She was trying to figure out where she fit in and the whole relationship/dating thing. She wrote about her feeling towards boys and about heartbreak and hear ache. She wrote about her yearning to speak with someone to make sense out of these moments. She did not feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with me. But she was able to reach out to one of her TEAM teachers who supported her. Thank God for that person who helped support her in ways I was unable. Additionally, there was the usual assortment of teen drama.

I am sure as I slowly explore her room, other writings/notes will arise which will cause some heartache and feeling of helplessness. That will be just part of the process for me. I have to keep in mind that she was a teenager and everyone struggles with their identity and boundaries at that age. These journals were not meant to be read by me and as such, I need to keep them in prospective.

I hope we will have negatives of the pictures she took in her photography class this year. One of her friends is supposed to drop by tomorrow with the negatives. Work has asked if I'd let them hang 1-2 of her pictures in her honor. So I'll have to get contact sheets printed for their review. I was totally surprised and blown away by that request. Only a few folks at work even met her. But in support, they are willing to do this. I am continually amazed at the generosity of friends.

Friends who dedicated a bench in her memory. Friends who have made sure we did not have to worry about food. Friends who have called/sent cards & flowers to express their condolences. Friends who stopped by. Friends whom have reached out to reconnect again. To all... I am extremely grateful.

journal entry
pictures/art

Day 55, 15May10

It's been almost 2 months since Alicia died. Yet it feels like last week. From the rush of adrenalin of Rory's call on that Saturday to the memorial ceremony a week later, it all feels fresh and raw. Yet my brain realizes it has been 55 days since her death but my heart senses less elapsed time. My emotions are still raw. My patience has dwindled to almost non-existent. At best my concentration is fleeting. How long will this last? I read posts from other parents on TCF website that still struggle with the same questions/ emotions years after their child died. Years?!?!

I still break down and cry thinking of Alicia... of our past and future. We speak with Alicia's friends about their plans for prom, summer, and college. We still rejoice and celebrate with them their accomplishments. We mark their lives milestone. But in the back of my brain, I mourn that Alicia does not have these opportunities anymore. She would want us to continue to live life to it's fullest as she did during her short stay with us. This dichotomy is a struggle and I sense will be a struggle for a while. I still refer to 2 children when asked. I even found my self asking about what folks know about Colorado College since they lived in Boulder CO. When will I stop? Is this a charade? Am I not accepting the fact she is dead? When will 'present tense' turn into 'past tense'?

I feel time is passing through new dimension. A dimension that ebbs and flows in a non-linear and uneven manner. While my brain understands today is Saturday, I feel disoriented. What does Saturday mean to me? This day does not hold an more significance than say Tuesday or Wednesday. I can not track it has been 55 days since Alicia died. My body goes through the motions of work but my mind wanders. I have traveled to Florida, France, and North Carolina... yet it feels as if I have never left. The feeling of emptiness haunts me where ever I am.

Today, we attended a ceremony to dedicate a bench for Alicia at Katherine DelMar Burke's school in San Francisco. Today was a typical summer day in SF. Foggy. Cold. She had spent half of her life (9 yrs) with the same girls at Burkes. Burkes had just completed construction of a new building and addition of a playground where there used to be tennis courts. It is in this area, the Class of 2006 dedicated a bench to her. Alicia would have absolutely loved the new play area. She probably would have been embarrassed with the thought of dedicating a bench in her honor. Ms Wholman, head of Upper School re-read to all who gathered the character statement's read at her graduation (I gotta get a copy of these remarks). It described her inner strength, her silliness, and her dedication. As Ms Wholman reflected, this is still an accurate description...4 years later.

It was great to have the support of Burkes, of the families who attended and who were unable to attend. It has been too long since we connected with this community and I hope we are able to find ways to keep connected with the families of Alicia's classmates as well as Burkes itself.

Day 52, 12May10

I've been working on a rough poem call "the Box".

It all comes down to this... a box

As I sit staring,
I begin to cry;
You have left us too soon,
HS graduation, colleges, marriage, kids had yet to come;
I sit before a cold gray box

I remember the years spent watching you blossom,
Witnessing the realization of your potential;
From Ladybug Day Care to Russian Hill School;
You were creative and full of energy;
From your first days at Burkes through 8th grade graduation,
You were spirited, silly, and smart;
From Purple Penguins, Green Giants, to the Panthers,
You were committed and driven;
From your first steps in volleyball with MJs and AVC;
You were gregarious and a team player;
During your time at Redwood High School to Tamiscal;
You were inquisitive and motivated;
In your short year with TEAM,
You discovered your passion for the outdoors and brotherhood;
Yet it all comes down to this box

You are so much more; more than this box;
Your spirit transcended time and space;
Your innate ability to laugh in the face of challenge will be with us forever,
We love you and will miss you forever

Day 49, 09May10

Mother's Day 2010. Today was a hard day emotionally for the family. I started today off with my usual stroll down to T-valley. It was overcast, cool, and breezy this morning. When I hiked above the bunker, it started to rain. I took a picture at the bunker then headed back. I did see a newt and bobcat on today's hike.

I felt very sad. I knew today was going to be rough as the 1st MDay after Alicia's death. I had read the various posts from TCF and other grieving websites as to what others had experienced the 1st MDay. Definitely Cathie probably felt despondent and melancholy. I wish there was something I could do, say, anything to help. We visited several open studios which failed to illicit an smile.

We visited my brother today to speak about my dad's estate. I will file the prerequisite paperwork with the mortuary tomorrow. Either Cathie or I will research information as to survivor benefits from his teacher's pension. Cathie helped clean out his closets and scheduled a Salvation Army pick up this Thursday. My brother already has moved the majority of his boxes. We discussed plans with his remains. We have more work to do here. A conversation has started with my dad's wife and her son as to their desires to live. Due to the school he is enrolled, they will be inlikely to move out of state before the year's end.

We had a couple special visits from Alicia's TEAM classmates this evening. It was very nice to catch up with them as to their college and summer plans. While I had wished to have this conversation with Alicia, I am very glad they felt comfortable to share with us their plans as well as some personal issues they are enduring. I feel for them.

Today I found a journal Alicia had kept for a period of time around the beginning of the TEAM school year. I could not bring myself to read it yet. But it is there. Eventually I will read it. Probably sooner than later.

Day 48, 08May10

Yesterday was Cathie's bday. I struggled with the thought that Alicia would not ever be here again for her bday. I began to project Jasmine's bday party on Saturday and Alicia's bday. It is hard for me to fathom that she is no longer around. While I do not expect her to return, I have a hard time accepting the truth.

Jasmine and I went to buy Cathie a new I Phone on 07May10. Afterwards, we went to Sundance to find some handcrafted jewelery. She commented that she does not have an eye for what Cathie would wear. This was Alicia's thing. She kept wandering around so we went to Anthropology. At first, Jasmine did not want to enter. She remarked this was Alicia's favorite store. After a little bit of discussion, we went and she bought some bubble bath for Cathie.

Today, Jasmine went to school for a half day. I picked her up and went to pick up Becki from SFO. Afterwards, we dropped off Jasmine to hang out with friends prior to her rec dance. Becki and I went to BevMo and spent close to $XXX on wine and accessories. We then went to Whole Foods and picked up the food. We dropped off both at Fingers and Toes around 5pm. We returned home and shared some wine with Cathie. At 6:30pm, we took Cathie to the salon where other friends had congregated for a private surprise mani & pedi party. Sharon W., CatherineW., Elka E., Sudha D., Lyra, & Becki. I stayed to serve them wine and some food. Everyone appeared to have enjoyed the party. Afterwards all except for Sharon came to our house to finish off the evening.

Why do I enjoy hosting surprise Bday parties? Maybe it is a control thing. Cathie I think enjoys the attention, but she may also be embarrassed by it as well.

Today was Jammin's bday party. Her real bday was last Sunday, 02May10 while she was in Sac;'town for vball, Cathie was in Tahoe finishing her Outdoor First aide course while I was flying to Paris. She had 5 friends come over for a mani party at Fingers & Toes. Cathie stayed with them, while Becki and I prepped the food. When they returned, they ate dinner while we cleaned up. They watched Avatar while Cathie, Becki and I ate dinner. After we finished, we had cake then the girls went to see a movie. Cathie dropped them off while I dropped off Becki.

Sunday could be difficult being Mother's Day. We'll have to wait and see. I purposefully did not plan anything so that we could pay it by ear.

Day 47, 07May10

Well is has been 3 days since my dad has died. I returned from Paris on the 5th late in the evening. I spent yesterday just getting caught up a little with work, but mostly with my family and Jim. My dad is in the process of cremation at a local place. Juliana called Cathie and wanted to clean out my dad's stuff out of thier apartment. So Cathie went over to help her box up the donation stuff (clothes etc). They also went trhough the myriad of boxes of stuff he had collected. Juliana is moving quickly. I met with Jim last night to review details of the estate. It appears that his estate is well below the value at which probate comes into play. If that is true, this should be easier than my aunts. I guess these are just the mechanics of death.

Emotionally, I am numb. I am sad but I do not break down over his death. I feel as if I am emotionally exhausted. It had been 45 days between Alicia and dad. I am still coming to grips with Alicia's death now this added burden as been added. Don't get me wrong, I loved my dad. But he suffered greatly with pain secondary to cancer these past 6 months or so. So I rationalize that he is in a much better place now. So I have shed tears, but I am also comforted.

But this rationalization does not work with Alicia. I can not rationalize her death at all. I can find no reason, no logic, to her death. It has brought upon the 3 of us such emotion that I could not have even imagined. I just start crying at some small things such as finding a new picture of her online. But other things, looking through her room to find a plug, I'm cool with. Why?

I had always beleived there to be a God. Even though I had not attended any organized relgious ceremony on my own for about 20 years, I still believed. Now through Alicia's memorial, I have started attending the Unity Church in Berekely. We had met Dr Rev Patricia Keel via referral from CorStone. I have found her intpretation of the bible much aligned with my own. I search with my reconnection to God for assurance Alicia is OK. I need her to know that I love her and always will love her. I miss her beyond any words can convey.

I guess they day life is a journey. These past 90 days of this journey, I never want to experience again. First my aunt, Eleanor Jue died on 04Feb10. Then Alicia died 20Mar10. Now my dad, Robine CL Lee does 04May10. I hope they are all reunited with my mom looking down upon us and smiling.

I saw a move onboard my flight home from Paris via Frankfurt. It was called 'Hachiko a Dog's Story'. Richard Gere was the exec producer and main actor. The movie was based on a true story in Japan about an Akita and his owner. Everyday, the dog would follow his owner to the train station in the morning then return at night to greet his owner and walk home together. The owner dies but the dog continues to come at night to await the return of his owner until his death. At the moment of death, he sees the owner and the memories of his life flashes before his eyes.

Is that the same for us? When we die, does our life flashes before our eyes? Or is our spirit released from our bodies such that we look down upon ourselves as we begin the next journey? I guess we'll never know until it is our time.

Day 44, 04May10

Death. An unwelcomed visitor has left it's mark upon our family again today. It has been only 44 days since Alicia died. My father died today, 04May10 at 12:10pm after a progressive and painful bout with cancer. He has been suffering greatly since about October 2009 with pain. I comprehend he is in a much better place now, but I still feel really sad.

While I am happy for him to move on and catch up with Alicia. I am miss them both. We're still working our way through our emtions revolving around Alicia, now it is compounded with my dad's death. I'm not sure what is happening in the universe right now, but it is pissing me off. In the first 5 months of '10, R-ee dies in Feb, Alicia dies in March, and now dad dies today. Is there a lesson to be learned here? Why all three within such a short span of time?

I rebooked my flight home. I'm flying back from Paris tomorrow (Wed). instead of Thursday. Granted there is nothing I can do at home right now. But I feel I need to be there. I am not sure I can concentrate tomorrow if I did stay.

Day 41, 01May10

Well...today I walked down to T-valley beach, hiked up to the bunker, then climbed all the way to the top. The view was spectacular from up there. I can see why Alicia must have liked coming there especially to see the stars. But boy, it is a ways up there. It was a beautiful day today. Sunny and not too warm. I set out new oranges and placed new flowers at the bunker. I cleaned up the older flower remains.

Why do I keep going down there? I keep telling myself that this is the last place Alicia was seen alive. It sounds right and possibly even feels OK. But I'm not 100% sure. Is there some spiritual pull? It may be my way to keeping her alive in my mind and spirit. Being in the outdoors, hiking near the ocean all of which she loved.

I do miss her terribly. I may not break down and cry but my soul yearns to hear her vocie. There are still things that make my eyes fill with tears. Like dropping off Jasmine today at vall carpool... I vividly recall doing the same with Alicia many times. I remember she hated me talking with her about how she played at tournaments etc. Folding some of her clothes that Jasmine now wears. Talking to AT&T about her cell phone. etc. I can go on and on and on. Alicia is an amazing kid. We all loved her very much. This is very very hard.

Looks like her primary school , Katherine DeMar Burkes is going to dedicate a bench on her behalf. Alicia loved Burkes. They do an excpetional job developing strong women. She was close to her class.