The holidays are upon us with Christmas in 2 days and New Years beyond that. In all reality, ever since Alicia has died, our holidays are significantly less. It's not just the fact she is not with us, but it was her lite, lively, and fanciful spirit which buoyed our family. Her enthusiasm for mundane things & tasks was unique and very welcomed. Holidays feel like rote actions with little to no joy or fun involved. I do not begrudge the holidays, I just wish for more enthusiasm.
Traditions: I have kept up the tradition of making banana breads. Jasmine has helped this year but I still found myself baking by my self listening to holiday music. Our efforts at decorating the tree are pathetic at best. We still have a tree, although it has little more than lights and a few decorations. Last year, we did not even decorate until Christmas eve. Buying and giving gifts has become less fun. We no longer try to buy gifts which we feel the other would appreciate. It has become more about lists on Elfster or even asking what each wants. Where has the thought and spontaneity gone? Holiday cards has always been my thing. I like sending them out with a note about how we are doing. For a while, I was able to get the others to sign a few. Last year, I did not send any out which I felt badly about. Thus this year, I made it a point to send out over 40 cards yesterday.
We are headed to NYC after Christmas for a few days. Jasmine wants to see some friends and we'll get to play a bit. Hopefully this trip will provide enough diversion to bring some fun and spirit to the holidays.
