Year 2, 20Mar12

It’s been 2 years to the day since Alicia died. While a lot has changed, their significance pales compared to what we have lost. The ‘gifts’ as a friend calls them still bestow themselves upon me albeit not as frequent. They do not seem to be triggered by anything at all. Just Wham! Out of the blue, I will recall her smile or laugh which in turns triggers more memories and then emotions of her death. My tears are not any less or the gifts any less heart wrenching. The memories are just as vivid, the sounds./smells/ emotions as raw as the day 2 years ago. The passage of time has done little to sooth my psyche and I very very little with myself. We are down to just 1 chicken remaining, Lefty. Jafar had disappeared one day. Wosh! Gone bye-bye. We searched the neighborhood with no luck. What happened to Jacosta is puzzling. I put her and Lefty away one evening and the next morning when Cathie let them, out, she was dead. I worry that Lefty is lonely and we are thinking of getting more chicks this Spring to keep her company. I recall the day Alicia, Jen, and Taylor bought the chicks and brought them over to our house. Shocked is all I recall. I was shocked that we had 3 chicks and no idea how to care for them. Via the wonder of the internet, Alicia figured it out. This was supposed to be a group project. Rotating homes every few weeks. Well, they ended up with us full time. Jacosta (Taylor’s chick) was one of the original three chicks as was Cantigny (Jen’s) and one whose name escapes me (Alicia’s). This past year, we overcome our initial inertia and have re-arranged Alicia’s room into a sitting room. We have moved out the roll top desk and the old bed frame and replaced them with small IKEA chairs and couch. Cathie has pared down her clothes and closet, but what remains has significant sentimental meaning. Her jewelry case... her books... her new high heels... her 49’ers jacket... her mirror with her notes on prospective colleges. All suspended in time...awaiting her return. As do I...