I was driving to Walton's Grizzle Lodge camp to pick up Jasmine today then drive home. All in all about a 450 mile round trip to the Sierra Mountains. I found that without notice, memories would flood into my conciseness. One minute I'd be flying up I-80 listening to the radio and the next I'm back at Alicia's memorial service receiving hugs from friends I had not seen in a few years. I could almost feel the hug. Then the memory would recede almost as quickly as it arrived. I had at least 3 of these 'gifts' on my drive up. One was so intense, I considered pulling over. I was tearing profusely. I'm not sure what is triggering these intense memories. They are fleeting but intense.
I'm still not comfortable attending 'good bye' parties for college departures. Cathie really connects with the kids and derives a lot of satisfaction. I anticipate feeling uncomfortable as I really did not know most of the kids expect for a select few of Alicia's closest friends. Am I being weird about this? Should I not feel this way?
I am a little apprehensive about volleyball this Fall/Winter. I suspect most of the refs have no idea of what happened. When Alicia died, I was scheduled to work a club tournament the following weekend which I begged off. I relayed the situation to the NCVA and informed them that I was done for the season. I attended a rules review clinic for the HS season. Of the 3 others attending, 1 knew of Alicia's death but the others did not. One of them was a club ref whom I shared a car pool many times last club season. I had not seen him since March. He began asking how was work and what had I been up to. I felt he was nibbling around the edge so I came out and told him about Alicia. He thought I was kidding but I assured him I would not lie about this. It was a tiny bit awkward and one I am sure will be repeated a few times as I get further into both HS and club vball season.
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