Normal. According to Merriam-Webster, one of the many definitions is... "conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern". Where we are, 'normal' is an elusive theoretical construct. Are we deluding ourselves thinking we can achieve a sense of 'normalcy'? More than 6 months since Alicia's death, we are still struggling if we can redfine 'normal' for us.
Just the other day, someone asked if things are getting back to normal. The question struck me as one which I can give a nonchalant or more serious answer. In that instance, I opted for the less intense answer of "we're trying". But in reality, we are not living a normal life. The thought of Ward and June Cleaver we are not. We will always struggle with Alicia's death.
To this day we feel the familiar pangs of grief with various thoughts and memories. On Friday we met with a therapist in preparation for our 1st all family session next weekend. He asked how did Jasmine find out about Alicia being missing and her death. As I was relaying the events, I became overrun with emotions. I found myself struggling even with this simple question. Up to now, no one had asked me to recite the events of that weekend. I sense that recalling new memories, I struggle. If I had previously described it, I am better keeping myself together. I guess there is something to the old addage ... practice makes perfect.
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