Year 1, 28Aug11

Within this past 2 weeks, there have been 2 acquaintances who did not realize Alicia was our daughter. In both instances, the person was well aware of Alicia's death, but did not recognize I was her father. I was shocked that the one person was not aware. Multiple people with whom we had both worked or interacted knew I was Alicia's dad. When I saw this person, they asked how both kids were. I provided a response about Jasmine after which he asked about our second child. I stammered a bit before stating she had died the previous year. They provided their condolences and I moved the conversation along. Later that evening, I received an email apology stating that they knew of Alicia's death but did not know I was her father.

The 2nd situation was with a person driving me home from the airport. They asked about children to which I offered up my usual 'past tense' response. This person went on to ask about ages and began comparisons to their children. I responded with a brief sketch of Alicia's death. The driver stated that he remembered that incident last year and offered his profound condolences.

Two very different circumstances yet within 2 weeks of each other. Prior to this, it had been months since the last time I had to convey Alicia's story. I am content with how I responded both verbally and emotionally. It does get easier...but it still gnaws at me.

I have been recently drawn to fiction about people overcoming the emotional turmoil and aftermath of death. I feel a little bit narcissistic reading these books. I am not exactly sure what I am getting out of these books. I venture to guess that just reading about how others handle the emotions, pull their lives back together, and in some books even progress is inspirational. Almost always, I find myself shedding a tear during the raw emotional passages. No matter where I am, it happens. I am so absorbed in the story, I can not help myself.

My most recent read used an unique vantage point. It was written from the point of view of the deceased as she watches her husband collapse emotionally and how her friends coalesce around him due to various circumstances.

Cathie and I discussed that this book ties into my belief that souls move on and are reborn in others. The memories are not, but the life experiences are conserved.