Thus begins our first holiday season as a family of 3.
We went to our cabin in Tahoe as we have mostly done for the past 4-5 years. This year there was tons of fresh snow and even more fell during our stay. Alicia used to love some of the holiday food such as a jell0-cranberry-fruit salad/relish. This recipe came to us via close friends a few years back and had become a staple.
Going to the cabin brought back memories of Alicia. The times we spent playing in the new snow. The hours of games we played as a family. How Cathie used to struggle to get her and Jasmine out of the cabin. I felt a certain spark was missing this year. Her giddiness and general light outlook on things were at times silly, bit none the less, welcome. Especially when we played board games (Monopoly and Scrabble), the emptiness was exaggerated.
When we came home Saturday, I went into Alicia's room and looked around. I reread her mirror with her college thoughts and "To Do List" which included a note "buy a gift for Papi". I poked around her desk and was overwhelmed with emotion. I found her small digital camera I bought for the girls last Christmas. I recharged the batteries and scrolled through the pictures. She had taken a few of her UCSF internship, a various objects for her photo class.
We also had some friends (Alicia's classmates) drop bye before they returned to college. I am forever grateful that they still make the time to visit us. They are continuing to spread their wings and will soon take flight in life. I hope that we will remain a part of their lives.
I need to come to grips with our reality. How do I grapple with my sentimental emotions with her room? I know it does not make sense to keep it as it is forever. Cathie has put forth plans for the room with which Jasmine has agreed.
It's gonna be a tough Holiday Season.
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