Terrible news. The passing of Elizabeth Edwards, the wife of once a presidential candidate John Edwards from North Carolina. I read an article about her on Yahoo (
I was touched deeply by the story of her strength and courage in dealing with the death of her son at 16yo, the diagnosis of breast cancer, the news of her ex-husband's philandering, and the recurrence of her cancer. My gosh that lady endured so many hard emotional events and never lost her grace.
I can relate to what the article relays about dealing with her son's death. I too find myself with small things, songs, smells, sounds, triggering memories of Alicia. It happens in various places. I rarely can see it coming before it hits me. WAP... broadsided by my emotions. These memories often start out pleasantly until I recall she died. Then it all goes into the toilet.
This week begins the Holiday parties. The Marin Search and Rescue party begins our season. Cathie has relayed that they will plan to speak about several of their searches this year which includes the search for Alicia. Then they plan to 'reveal' the 'white elephant' which is Cathie is now part of their organization. I've thought about this and know I will have a hard time emotionally during that portion. I suspect I will emotionally relive those memories. I know I will cry. But I also want to be there for Cathie. She has given me a pass if I want to not attend. I will be there for her.
I need to get better controlling my emotions at events as such. This will not be the last time I will attend an event during which Alicia will be mentioned. Part of me feels as if I am honoring her memory with each tear I shed. Over time, these tears may become precious.
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