It was almost exactly to this hour 1 year ago. The last time I saw Alicia alive. She came home quickly with a friend before heading out. She was supposed to meet her best friend and stay out for the night. She was bubbly as usual. I think she came back from climbing at Planet Granite that Friday evening. I was watching a movie. She came in with her usual "Hi pops". She introduced me to her friend then went into her room. She came back out then they left.
She went to the bunker at Tennessee Valley with friends on a night without any moon light so they could see the stars more clearly. She was crazy high up above the bunker on the cliff line.
To this day, I regret that evening. The lackadaisical exchange. I didn't even try to slow her down even for a moment to chill. The things I took for granted... especially that evening haunt me still. The things not said... the 'belly bumps' not accepted... the hugs never to come again. Why is that? Why do I allow these things to slip by?
As I have said many times on this blog, it feels like just yesterday. The pain is still raw. I have gotten pretty good controlling it. But when I speak about her and her death, I lose it. Just last week someone at work asked about how we were doing, it caught me by surprise. I had to gather myself but even then, my eyes teared. I suspect this will be the way it will always be.
One of Alicia's friends dropped off a bouquet of flowers today. I was driving back from Tahoe and was not home. When I drove up and saw it, I was taken aback. Someone remembered.
To all...thanks for remembering Alicia. She will always be a part of us...forever.
Love you! Take care of g'pop, my mom, and ree-ni.
J, C and Jp,
ReplyDeleteOf course we will always remember and cheish Alicia. We will always love her and do think of you all so often. All of us are especially reminicient tonight as we recall the events of a year ago. Neither will she will be forgotten by any of the cousins. Long warm hugs to you all.
Janet for all us Engs
I will always remember, always.
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