We have arrived to the 6th month anniversary of Alicia's death. I was flying home today from Camden ME and was flipping through movies on United. I ran across a Movie with Anette Benning about giving up a child to adoption and reconnecting later in life. There was a labor scene at the beginning. My mind immediately was flooded with my memories of Alicia's birth, the days preceding and following her birth. I became choked up with tears. The person sitting next to me stared a bit until I was able to work through the memories and my emotions. The memories flooded all of my senses. I recall the sounds of Cathie's labor, the nonchalant way we went to the hospital 3 hours after her water broke. Sitting in the birthing room afterward holding Alicia. The moment Cathie decided on her name. It was such an intense feeling.
What I am doing with my life? What are my goals? I have always taken each step solely based on the merits at that moment. I really do not have an overall plan for my life and beyond. I guess I should start putting a plan with goals in place. I have not been entirely successful providing for the family. I guess I need to figure this out soon while I can.
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