I continue to be amazed with the life of Elizabeth Edwards who had lost a son, Wade at the age of 16. In her recent book, 'Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities' she shares how she managed through her tragedy. I find inspiration in her descriptions of her emotions, and thoughts on God and life. She was a strong women and should be an inspiration for us all.
I found a lot of similarities with her thoughts/emotions with my own. With that, I guess I find comfort and inspiration. We are still within 12 months of Alicia's death, where as she was 14 years beyond. Her descriptions of her emotional and family's evolution are bittersweet and heartfelt.
With the holidays upon us, I am truly struggling. I used to look forward towards decorating a tree, putting up the house icicle lights, hanging the stockings, baking banana breads, and holiday shopping with the girls. It is now all different. Alicia used to be the first to help. Jasmine and Cathie would join in after Alicia and I had started. This year, I feel as if these activities have fallen upon me mostly due to circumstances and timing (eg trainings, parties). Even holiday music has not gained a foothold in our house this year.
I hung 4 stockings as I usually do. I thought about it as I was hanging them. For me, Alicia's stocking has another meaning. This is a stocking that my mom crocheted for me when I was little. I was happy that Alicia like using that stocking a few years back as a memory of my mother.
This weekend was my banana bread baking weekend. I bake breads for the holidays as gifts. Usually Alicia and Jasmine would help and we'd knock it out in a weekend. This year, Jasmine had other plans, Thus I still baked the breads. I find cooking a joy but baking without the girls was heart wrenching. Too much time for me to reminisce.
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