No matter what I do, listen to, eat, drink or watch, I can not get into the holiday spirit. The lights are up. The house is decorated. The stockings have been hung. The banana breads have been baked. Yet, I can not get into the spirit. After a visit to the gym this AM, I went into SF and walked around Chestnut street with the intention of gift buying. I ambled down Chestnut, then Scott, back to Fillmore, then back. I watched shoppers walking around with arms full of shopping bags, pushing strollers, negotiating with their kids as to where next. I found my self watching and wishing, but not inspired.
I walked by the Squat and Gobble which was Alicia's fav restaurant. I had never been. It was packed with holiday shoppers today. I briefly glanced at the menu. Nothing really special. I am still curious what was it that drew Alicia to it. I will try to eat there soon.
I am an inspirational shopper. But with Jasmine skiing in CO and Cathie tied up, I am not able to self motivate. I used to love this time of year. Buying gifts, window shopping with the girls. Alas, I find myself feeling being on the outside looking in on folks who are into the spirit.
I feel as if I should probably start seeing a therapist again. The veneer I wear at work is still thick enough. I am taking the next 2 weeks off, but I have nothing planned at home. I have found too much time by my self is not a good thing. I acutely feel the absence of Alicia. I wish will all of my heart and soul you still feel my love.
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