It's been almost a month since Alicia has died. The cards have slowed down. The visitors have stopped comming over. The flowers have withered away and the Facebook posts have dwindled to almost non-existent. Yet...we still grieve. Not as uncontrollably but we still grieve. The slightest familar smell, funny saying, or pictures brings back a flood of memories. I guess this is the way it will be from now on.
It is still very hard for me in the evenings and early mornings. This is when my mind is idle. Just three nights ago, I dreamed a conversation with Alicia. I remember trying to convince her to stay still for a moment while I get mom. She kept saying 'stop being silly' and that she needed to go. I woke crying.
Slowly but surely, Cathie is cleaning her room. Just the last 2 days, she had took apart Alicia's backpack whe had with her on March 19th with some clothes and her sleeping bags. There is still alot of things in her room. We have nto touched her closet. Her clean clothes still sit in a basket where she last left it. I realize there is no rush to do anything.
Jasmine has finally connected with a therapist. After 3 other therapists, she has finally connected with one. She liked the guy in Palo Alto but he was too far and she did not quite feel right. The new therapist is in San Rafael. Jasmine says this one 'gets it' and gave her the thumbs up. I'm relieved that Jasmine had found someone with whom she can relate. Cathie will she her therapist next week while I will se Beatrice on Tuesday.
I have started jotting down some thoughts about a poem called The Box. These are colelctions of thoughts that flood my brain when I sit down with her ashes. I hope to be able to finish it. But everytime I open the document, it is such a painful experience. Next Tuesday I hope to be able to attend a Compassionate Friends meeting in San Rafael. I have read a fair amount about this support group.
No comments:
Post a Comment