Day 27, 17Apr10

Wow.... it hasa almost been a month since Alicia died. It does not feel as if a month was passed. I remember that weekend vividly as if it just occured yesterday. I still feel the rush of emotions when I was told she was found. I remember the heroic efforts the rescue crew put forth to return Alicia home to us. I remember negotiating with the Medical Examiner about seeing Alicia that day at Muir Beach. I remember receiving the phone call confirmation from the Medical Examiner that they had matched Alicia's fringer prints from DMV. I remember my heart giving out and losing any vestige of hope.

My emtions are still raw around the edges. I still struggle with mornings and evenings. I find it hard to accept that she is gone and the ashes that remain are not her.

Slowly I am trying to find the "new normal". Everyday brings me new challenges. I struggle with just the basics of how to communicate with Cathie and Jasmine. Everyone of us are experiecing some of the basic 10 stages of grief. When the anger erupts, it is surprising and scary.

I hiked down to Tennesse Valley beach this morning. The sun was shining and it was about 65F. Bottm line, it was beautiful. When I hiked up to the bunker, the memorial program I had taped to the bunker pilar was not there. I had brought a new one just in case. I taped the new one down with duct tape this time. Hopefully it will stick. The mini-volleyball, flowers, and letter were still there. Someone had added an unexposed roll of 400ASA film. I hiked up the ridge to about here the path cuts away from the cliff. Boy... it is awfully steep with small rocks. Footing was difficult even with hiking boots.

Today we met Sudha with Henry and Monica for lunch at Henry's Hunan on Church street. The food was decent and reasonably proced. It as nice have lunch with them. Just talking about their activities and banal things. We later had dinner with Tony at our house. This is the second time we have entertained since Alicia's death. Alyse had gone to Burkes with Alicia since kindergarten. Tony and I used to coach basketball with Alyse, Alicia, Alyson, Lisby, Kaitlyn, Caitlin, in 3rd grade. Tony and I had a ball coaching. Dinner was nice. We had hors d'oeuvers outside then progressed to dinner inside.

I guess life continues.