Three days and counting. Saturday is a day I have been dreading. Alicia's 18th birthday. The thought of this day is enough to send Cathie into tears. I would like to find a way to mark the occasion in a low key way with a few close friends of Alicia and us. I will probably hike down to the bunker on Saturday with flowers for the bunker. I will post this in f'book if anyone wants to come along.
For me, sharing the experience feels good. I don't want to make a big deal, but I also find sharing the experience comforting. I guess this fits...after all I am writing this blog and putting it out on the 'net.
Today I was driving to work when images of the TEAM prayer flags for Alicia streamed into my consciousness followed by images of the prayer flags from India that were sent to us from India. Then my emotions burst forth. I almost pulled the car over for safety but there was no where to pull over. I continued driving...crying... until I had to stop for a stop light. I looked up to the sky and just took in the views. My crying stopped and I was able to continue driving. I was able to get through the rest of the day without another emotional flood. Wow... such a rush of raw emotion and intense moment... and intense 'gift'.
I have been good not asking the unanswerable questions such as "why". These thoughts do creep into my psyche but I am able to accept no answer. I focus on how much she meant to me and how lucky I am to have had her in my life. I remember the silly moments we shared. Hearing her laugh, snort, and call everyone silly nicknames. My life changed for the better when she entered it and it changed when she died. I hope she is back together with g'pop, mom, and r-ee. When my time comes and I depart this earth, I look forward to seeing them all again.
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