Day 78, 07Jun10

Graduation season is in full swing now. This week Alicia would have graduated from Tamiscal Highschool this week. We still plan to attend the graduation ceremony on Tuesday. TEAM plans to formally announce the 1st annual Alicia Scott Lee scholarship. On Thursday, Redwood Highschool Alicia attended part-time has they graduation ceremony. We will go to see a few of her friends matriculate.

Emotionally this will be a difficult week. Tamsical has given us their graduation t shirt which still has Alicia's name silk screened on it. Redwood will give us a yearbook with a tribute page. I guess time moves forward and life goes on. It's hard to even think about these events and how Alicia would have relished the emotions with her friends. How we would have been very very proud of her. Alas... this is not to be.

I am feeling guilty that I did not hike down to T-valley. This past weekend we were very busy with art shows, benefits, team party, and store openings. All things Alicia would have loved. Yet I did not make the time to get down there. I am questioning how can I continue to honor Alicia. Would she want me to continue to hike to T-valley or would she say "silly pops". I guess I am struggling to find my way to continue to connect with her.

I tried church for a little bit. The Unity church in Berekely is where we attended for a bit following Alicia's memorial. We connect with the Rev. Dr Keel. But we are not overly religious and attending feels OK not entirely comfortable. I had been thinking since my aunt's death of attending church so it seemed like a good idea. I will still probably attend on occasion.

I am having motivational issues with working out in the mornings still. Last week I tried doing email for an hour, going to the gym then coming home to get Jasmine off to school. I did OK with the early email routine. But I ended up going to the gym twice last week which is a 100% improvement for the previous week. I used to be able to bound out of bed at 4:20am then get out by 4:40am. Anymore, I get up and turn off the alarm before crawling back into bed. What is up with that? I have keep this routine up for about 2 years so why am I struggling now?

I've been working on an e-book with a collection of Alicia's essays and snap shots. I am struggling to find enough pictures which correlates with her essays. Like I found an essay she wrote about my mom's death which I had never seen before. We do not have a lot of digital pictures with them both. So I'm sorting through old photographs to find some relevant shots to scan. I am probably 75% finished with the 1st rough draft. There is still alot of work left but mostly it should be editing.

The YouTube video is also ready to go. I've held off at Cathie's suggestion until after graduation week. Hopefully by then, the other video snippets will also be ready for publishing. I have created a 'channel' on YouTube for Alicia. I send up signal flares when I release the video.