I found myself these past 2 days in NY remembering our Fall trip with her to NY. Alicia and Cathie visited to colleges which ended up making up her mind about them. The rest of the time, they discovered NY. We stayed at a wonderful apartment in the Flat Iron district ... 19th between 5 & 6th I think. We were there for 5 days. We reconnected with Andy and noshed at Gobo (great veggie place). Alicia was enthralled with visiting NY and was taking pictures for her photography class.
The memories and emotions of Alicia's death are peculating just under my skin. Trips like this last one to NY have brought out memories of her. And with these memories is a profound feeling of loss. Loss of such a beautiful spirit...my daughter... our Alicia. I am lapsing in meetings a little more frequently now. What used to be occasional lapses, I find myself thinking of Alicia and feeling my loss about once or twice per meeting. I imagine this is what it will be for a while. I sense I am Ok but just struggling emotionally. On a conscious level I have compartmentalized Alicia's death, but sub-consciously...maybe not as well as I had hoped.
I am also struggling to find our 'new normal' at home, with Cathie, with Jasmine, and our family. I used to have dinners togehter, but we are maybe sitting down once a week at best. I miss this ritual. This allowed us to get caught up with everyone and discuss the events.
Jasmine suffered a hairline fracture of her ankle on Monday night after volleyball. She was playing with her team on some play structure when her ankle was caught. Cathie was with the team as a chaperon and took her to the ER in Sacramento where xrays revealed the fracture. They placed a splint on her ankle and suggested she follow up with an orthopod when they returned from Sactowne. Bummer. This will really cramp her summer activities.
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