Day 63, 23May10

2 months... It has now been over two months since Alicia last drew a breath. What remains of her sits with us. I walk by her room and feel very very sad. I miss her. I miss her goofiness, her seriousness at times, her infectious laugh, her selfless out look on life, and everything there was about her. The times we took for granted when she was alive I now cherish. I feel compelled at times to just cry. These moments are becoming less frequent although just as painful emotionally.

For the past two weekends, I have not hiked down to T-valley. I feel as though I am neglecting her. Last weekend I did not have time with the Burke's bench dedication and church on Sunday. I will try to head down this morning. I feel compelled to go and at least make sure her memorial is OK.

I am excited. A dear friend and talented digital graphic artist has rendered Alicia's ceremony and created a 10 minute video for You Tube. It features stirring pictures of the attendees and snippets of selected speakers. He still has a few more days of editing and rendering but it should be ready by Alicia's BDay at the latest. When we post it, we'll send out a f'book notification to everyone. In addition to the ceremony itself, we will create separate clips of all the speakers in the ceremony as well as the remembrances captured on video. These clips will come after the main video.

I met recently with the FBI and Federal Park Police Investigators to wrap up the investigation. After two months, they have concluded Alicia's death was a series of choices which lead to a tragic accident. There is no evidence of foul play. The individual choices she made on that evening were not fatal, but the confluence of all the choices lead to her death. As part of this meeting, they returned her cell phone to me. They had yet to receive the personal code for her phone from AT&T thus they had not traced the calls etc. They asked if I wanted to pursue the phone angle to which I felt that it would not change her death and given the thoroughness of the investigation, it was unlikely to change the course of the investigation. So no. Leave it alone.

So I brought her phone home and recharged it. Jim figured out her PUC code and unlocked it. There are several voice mail messages on the phone. I do not have the strength to listen to them. Should I even listen to them? These messages were left for Alicia. Some are probably from the frantic days trying to find her which would rip the emotional wound open again. Others are likely friends calling her to hear her voice and to leave her a message...sort of like talking to her. So I'm not sure...