Day 57, 17May10

I read parts of Alicia's journal yesterday. She was an infrequent journaler. She started back in 2005 at Burkes with a last entry being July 2009. She started off writing about our family vacation to Washington DC, Boston, & New York. Mostly she wrote about the Washington DC portion of our trip. She seemed giddy when she found a brick at the Native American Museum with Emma Abinanti-Sena name etched on it.

There are parts of her writing which demonstrated she was not above 'teen angst'. She was trying to figure out where she fit in and the whole relationship/dating thing. She wrote about her feeling towards boys and about heartbreak and hear ache. She wrote about her yearning to speak with someone to make sense out of these moments. She did not feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with me. But she was able to reach out to one of her TEAM teachers who supported her. Thank God for that person who helped support her in ways I was unable. Additionally, there was the usual assortment of teen drama.

I am sure as I slowly explore her room, other writings/notes will arise which will cause some heartache and feeling of helplessness. That will be just part of the process for me. I have to keep in mind that she was a teenager and everyone struggles with their identity and boundaries at that age. These journals were not meant to be read by me and as such, I need to keep them in prospective.

I hope we will have negatives of the pictures she took in her photography class this year. One of her friends is supposed to drop by tomorrow with the negatives. Work has asked if I'd let them hang 1-2 of her pictures in her honor. So I'll have to get contact sheets printed for their review. I was totally surprised and blown away by that request. Only a few folks at work even met her. But in support, they are willing to do this. I am continually amazed at the generosity of friends.

Friends who dedicated a bench in her memory. Friends who have made sure we did not have to worry about food. Friends who have called/sent cards & flowers to express their condolences. Friends who stopped by. Friends whom have reached out to reconnect again. To all... I am extremely grateful.

journal entry
pictures/art